My first 4 blog entries EVER: Oct/Nov/Dec '07 (imported from Facebook)

#1 I'M A BLOGGER!

No, not booger, blogger.....

never done this before so we’ll see how it goes.......

#2 NUMBER TWO

So, here I am for the second time..... and while I’m tempted to talk about “number two”, lol, I will spare you all.

It has finally snowed here (but is starting to melt today) and it has me thinking ahead to Christmas, how Lily will react to playing in the snow, when are we going to teach her to skate (and by “we” I mean uncle Tony, lol), and just how fast time actually flies.....

I look forward to the time when we can put up a full sized Christmas tree (I miss it so much) but that won’t be until we can finish our basement which won’t be happening anytime soon (unless the basement finishing fairy happens to pay us a visit).....

well, Lily calls so off I go....

hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to her I go.....whistle whistle.......

#3 IS THIS THING ON?

I wonder if anyone reads this.....

not that it matter much I guess. Just me putting random thought down in print. Not that interesting, I know. But I try.

and #4 SLEEP LIKE A BABY???????

whoever coined that phrase must never have had a baby. Or, if they did, they must have had one on drugs!

Of all of the issues I educated myself on before becoming a mommy, baby/child sleep wasn’t one of them. I blame the media, lol. All of those babies/kids falling asleep in their high chairs, sleeping in their strollers in a noisy crowded mall, drifting off unaided in their cribs while staring blissfully at some silly mobile...... I never realized it could be such a HUGE problem.

Oh sure I expected a lot of disrupted sleep in the beginning since babies have to eat so often. And then they need to be changed. Then they get gas and need to be burped/comforted. Then they’re hungry again....... but, come on, 16 months???????

And that isn’t the worst part. I never imagined having a baby who could not be comforted. Who would work herself up into such a hysterical state and have nothing work to calm her down. Cuddles you say????? Only if I wish to be hit and kicked. Kisses???? That’s suicide. The mere sound of our voices is enough to drive her over the edge at times. Thankfully this happens to daddy too. I have enough mommy guilt already that I don’t need to be feeling like it’s something about ME.

Nope, this is just her little unique personality. Hopefully that’s all it is. I would hate myself if there was something medically wrong all this time and I didn’t push her doc harder to investigate........

It’s so tough when friends/other mommies don’t understand why we don’t get out much. Or why we can’t even talk on the phone after she is in bed. Sometimes the slightest noise is enough to wake her and start her screaming. Although that part is getting better. But I feel like we’re prisoners. Once she’s in bed we have to whisper and tiptoe and have heart attacks if we see anyone anywhere near our house that could potentially ring the doorbell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is with daddy right now trying to fall asleep. Lately she has been going to bed around 4pm because she refuses to nap. But today she napped. So now we’re all screwed up. I hope she falls asleep soon so we can eat a late supper......

Hansel and Gretel and....Bear?

You know the classic storybook characters who decide to go on an adventure in the forest and almost meet a nasty end? Well, remember how they left a trail of bread crumbs so that they would be able to find their way home again?

I think my dog, Bear, our giant 130lb 10 year old Bouvier, is afraid of losing his way back when he goes out to potty. His "potty rocks" are on the side of the house. Yesterday I go out in the yard to find a trail of poop nuggets leading from our patio to his rocks. This isn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last. He has always had trouble keeping his butt shut when urgent business calls. But, he is a senior, so I thought that maybe he may have a purpose in leaving this disgusting trail. And, as his proud human mama I would much rather think leaving poop plops is his way of being clever instead of believing that my dog is just gross.

Having a chronic illness is alot like having a kid

In both cases you deal with the hand you've been given. No amount of wishing or praying or determination can change the basic essence of either.

With children, they are born with a God given temperament. You can either work with it or against it. Your choice. Sure, the things you do can affect your child both positively and negatively, but will not change their essence.

With a chronic illness, you can find ways to manage/cope with symptoms, but the underlying disease will not just go away because of your efforts. It will not cease being a chronic illness just because you are trying really hard.

And, in both cases, you will have folks who have not walked a mile in your shoes trying to tell you what to do, what you have done wrong, and offering you all kinds of "help" (but it really is just pure judgement... there are many good people who DO try to sincerely help, not talking about them). Most of these people can only see life through one lens.... their own. They see things only in terms of "if I had to deal with X, I'd do Y" But that is mere speculation and lack of humility on their part. I should know.

Over the last couple of years I have really come a long way on my journey towards humility. I am sorry for all of the times I was sure I knew better than someone else.... I realize more and more every day that everyone has their own cross to bear and, just because it doesn't resemble mine, doesn't mean it isn't just as difficult for them to bear. OR, that just because they bear a cross that I think I could bear with ease, doesn't mean that they are weenies, wimps, or weak.

God blesses us all in different ways. God grants us the grace to deal with our difficult crosses. God offers us endless opportunities to grow in virtue. Do we see them? 

Lemons and Pirate Ships

I LOVE lemons. I don't know what has gotten into me lately but I just can't get enough Lemonade. Superstore used to have a store brand that was "old fashioned" and it was SOOOOO good. But of course, like all good things, it became near impossible to find. So it's replacement is MinuteMaid lemonade in the 2L carton. Yummy. And before anyone suggests making it myself, forget it. I don't love it THAT much.

I also love the smell of lemons. Not the fake lemon smell of some cleaners, but actual lemons, lemon juice, and lemon essential oils. Something so crisp and refreshing. Even pictures of lemons are particularly appealing right now.

Now, for the not so smooth segue into pirate ships. A good friend of mine was finally able to pop over for a visit last week and she brought some toys for Lily that her son has outgrown. One of them is a Duplo pirate ship. It's actually pretty neat. Has all these levels and different ways for things to fit together. Anyways, it also has a steering wheel. And Lily likes to put one of the little pirate guys near it and pretend he's driving the ship. Well, this wheel just fits on but not tightly so, the first time she gave it a spin, it came flying off and landed across the room. Once she saw that I was not upset (throwing toys is not allowed ya know) she looked at her little pirate guy and said:

"Why you drive like a crazy whacko?"

I almost died laughing (my preferred way to leave this earth by the way) 

NO, fibromylagia is NOT another name for depression

Fibromyalgia is a REAL disease (or, more accurately, a syndrome). It is recognized by the association of rheumatologists (or whatever they call themselves). It is NOT a manifestation of laziness, or depression, or caused by being fat and out of shape.

So, in that vein, it cannot be fixed by being more motivated, taking anti-depressants or resolving to be more "positive", and, while leading a healthy lifestyle will help, will not be cured by salad and frequent visits to the gym.

It varies in symptoms and severity from person to person. The one thing I have learned from being a member in a few online support groups is that people with fibromyalgia (yes, there are men too) are some of the most positive, motivated, and full of life people I have ever met.

Of course, depression can play a role. Especially if you have been told repeatedly by the esteemed medical community that your symptoms are "all in your head" when you know something is wrong. You watch your life slip away, piece by piece. You start to feel much older than your chronological age. You find that people, so called friends, start to back away because you just aren't who you used to be. Where once you were the one people turned to for help, to get things done, you find the tables reversed and spend more time accepting help (for the lucky ones) or simply sitting in your home unable to do the simple things most people take for granted and just wishing for help. So yeah, it can be downright depressing folks! 

But, it really is true that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Imagine having a bad flu. Your body aches. You are so fatigued you can't see straight. You aren't sleeping well because of your symptoms. All you want to do is curl up in a ball in your bed and wait it out. There is no going out for groceries, taking the kids to the park, or going out to play ball with Rover just for the heck of it. You put your life on hold and cater to your symptoms. You do only what is absolutely necessary to survive and let everything else wait until you feel better. Because you know you WILL feel better.

 A person who suffers from Fibromyalgia (or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is also known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis which I suffer from in conjunction with the Fibro) doesn't have the luxury of waiting to feel better. This is it folks. You make good use of the good days because you never know when you might get another. And you do more on your bad days than anyone you know who is down and out with a bad cold or flu because that is your reality. If you didn't live your life on the bad days, you wouldn't have much of a life at all.

And sure, to an outsider looking in, we must seem pretty boring and look like we have plenty of reason to be depressed or even wish we weren't alive. But there is always a silver lining. We have TIME. We have time to notice the beautiful flowers in the summer because we aren't rushing off to kickboxing class. We have time to really watch our kid(s) grow up because we aren't lost in a flurry of frenzied cleaning (yeah, cleaning past minimal standards is one of the first things to go, lol). We have time to reflect on what is important in life because we are not able to get caught up in the things that so many others do due to sheer lack of energy. And, at least for me, the gift of time to get to know God and learn about Him is one of the best gifts anyone could ever be given.

 

Forum evictions and unfriendly GloWorms

Well, I have turned a corner in my cyber-life. The forum I have been a member of since 2004 has seen fit to evict me from my cyber-home. I loved that place. It was instrumental in my conversion and the friendship, support, and sense of community was truly amazing. And it has been an absolute sanity-saver during this really stressful time of hubby being away. But, you can't keep a good poster down! Thanks to our friend Lori-Burbs, we now have a new home. And, thanks to Kage for linking us to a different, but hopefully better forum. And a big thanks to all of those other members who have helped spread the word!

Why did I get banned? My current theory is that one of the mods is off her meds. There really is no other rational explanation. She used the flimsy excuse that I was soliciting "medical advice" when I posted about a way I may try to adjust Lily's sleep schedule. No medical advice given or requested... but it earned me a 2 week suspension anyway. Then, my darling hubby found out and blew his top. He knows that forum was a crucial part of my social life and was upset that it was being taken from me over something so trivial. So he posted his thoughts. That earned him a suspension too. Well, it spiraled down from there.......

before I know it, I am outright banned with the explanation of "circumvention". He is then banned for having an "insecure account". So I can only guess that they thought I used his account to post my anger. So I get banned for something I didn't do and he gets banned for something I didn't do. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it?

And we are not the only victims of this senseless mess. Many good people are getting the ol' heave-ho. And for no good reason. I wonder if we will ever discover the truth?

Now, you may be wondering what on earth unfriendly glo-worms have to do with any of this. My darling Miss Lily had another night terror last night. When she came out of it I tried to comfort her enough to help her get back to sleep. As I was getting her all tucked back in, I asked what she wanted to snuggle with (she has more than one favorite) and she chose her little Glo-worm. As she is settling down she begins to cry and cry. When I asked her what was wrong this is the response I got (through teary eyes and the saddest expression):

"Glo-worm doesn't like me"

My poor mama-heart darn near broke. She chose her pink pillow instead and snuggled in for the night.

Testing 123

Wow, my very first BLOGGER Blog! I am more excited than I probably should be, but that's what happens when one doesn't have much of a real life, lol.