Funny Friday

Ok, so I have to admit I didn't put much thought into this. I was browsing the net and suddenly realized that it is indeed Friday and I once again forgot I was supposed to post. So I'll fall back on an old stand by..... BUTTS. Yes, butts are funny, whether you are young or old, male or female, the life of the party or the wallflower. There is just something about the word butt. Bum is not funny. Tushie is not funny. BUTT is funny. Just say it. See?

So of course, like all kids, Lily is going through her right of passage concerning butts. She thinks they are hilarious and never passes up a chance to say butt. Yesterday she got an enormous kick out of talking about our cat's butt. It was "Maggie's butt" this and "Maggie's butt" that...... and then she decided to add her own creative flair by telling me that a missing toy (that I had been looking for most of the day) was in Maggie's butt. We laughed like lunatics. I know some parents might think I should be discouraging this crudeness and at the very least not adding to it..... but then they couldn't possibly know me very well at all. I happen to think butts are hilarious, still. And don't even get me started on farts ;)

Oops, let's pretend it's still Monday

So I missed my self imposed posting date for my top 5 weekly post. Oh well. Like anyone really cares. I'm one of the only ones reading my words and I don't care! So I'll do it today instead. I think my personal motto is quickly becoming "Better Late Than Never", lol.

MY TOP 5

Things I love about my house:

1. Location location location!

Our house is close to where I grew up so I know the area and am comfortable here. It is also within walking distance (a long walk, but still....) of my parents' house and my sister and her husband's house. The actual lot sits on what used to be an empty field where a stable rented out horses for horseback riding. I have ridden many times over the exact spot that my house now occupies. It is a relatively safe, nice area close to bike/walking paths and near some man made lakes where we can take Lily to feed the ducks in the summer.

2. Our big yard.

No, it is not nearly as big as the yard I grew up with but it is huge compared to other similar properties. I love that we can have a huge deck, a swing set, monkey bars, shed, and a place for the dog to go potty. We also have lots of trees and shrubs thanks to my grandparents' farm and the labor of my dad and hubby.

3. Our bedroom.

No, it is not some fantasy master bedroom with spa-like ensuite and enough space to have a sitting room but it can comfortably fit a King sized bed, and that makes me very happy! The window looks out over our backyard and I can also watch the clouds go by while laying in bed.

4. Main floor "powder room"

No, I do not actually call it a powder room, lol. But just wanted to impress that it's basically a closet with a toilet and sink inside, literally. But it's a very handy thing to have, especially when potty training a toddler!

5. LOTS of Windows!

Yes, having lots of windows has it's down side, but I choose to see them as a huge attribute because I need natural light. I could not live in a space with few windows. I crave daylight. So every room (even the bathrooms) has windows. It is probably the number two thing that attracted me to the house in the first place (number one being, duh, the location).

It's called PERSONAL taste for a reason!

Ok, maybe I watch too much HGTV, lol. But come on..... it's a well know fact that people trying to sell their homes have a better shot of a faster sale with a higher profit if they lose their personal junk, er, stuff. So why do people remain stubbornly attached to their ruffled valances or mallard duck wallpaper borders???? And it's not just the ugly stuff either. It's everything that isn't universally attractive. Ultra modern, stark interiors that look like a scene out of a sci-fi movie are not appealing to 90% of buyers either. So, what to do?

Think:

BORING!!!!!!

If it is beige, plain, and has simple classic lines it will help. Add interest in small TEMPORARY things. Like a vase of bright cut flowers. Or a colorful throw blanket across the foot of the bed. Anything that a potential buyer can think "Oh, that will be leaving with them so who cares if I hate purple?" Sounds easy. So why is it so hard for some people to see that? Do they not WANT to sell their homes? Why did they list them in the first place then?

And before anyone argues (yes, I am delusional enough to think that people ARE reading this, lol) that the potential buyers should know that wallpaper can be removed and paint colors can be changed, it doesn't matter. First impressions count.

Funny

OK, so that last post hardly qualified for my "funny friday" post, I know. So here is something that always makes me laugh.

Ever see a kid's show called "Sid the Science Kid"? From that show (or maybe the related website) Lily learned to tell her very first joke.

Keep in mind that she tells the joke, punchline and all, in one big run on breath and then laughs ever before we do.

What did the apple say to the pear? You're silly, apples can't talk!

In the dark

Deliriously tired. In pain. Crying on a chair in the dark. Held hostage by a 3 year old's inability to sleep.

I get to bed before 11pm and actually fall asleep rather quickly. A rarity with all of the pain I've been in lately. About an hour and a half later, at around 12:45am I hear a cry. I wait. Sometimes she cries out in her sleep. If she needs me she makes it abundantly clear. "Mommy, mommy! Please come!!!!!". Ok, it's clear. I creak out of bed and head into her pitch black room. She seems to be ok. She's not crying or in pain, just awake. I give her a dose of melatonin (or minty powder as we call it) and ask her if she's ok and ready to go back to sleep. "Yes" is the answer I get. Oh thank goodness I think, as this is going well in comparison with some of our more recent night time upsets.

I tuck her in and then settle myself in the Lazy Boy recliner and cover myself with a pink fluffy blanket. I have been locked into this pattern of coming into her room and sitting on "that damn chair" while she falls asleep ever since hubby's return from his firefighter course. The entire 9 months he was away I never once got into bed with her or stayed in her room for any length of time when she had trouble falling or getting back to sleep. I knew what would happen if I gave in, even once. But hubby didn't. When he was finally home and was overwhelmed by his sleep deprived, cranky wife and more than a bit confused as to our routines and Lily's inflexibility (which had become much worse in his long absence), he caved. He got into bed with her when she was not able to sleep. And so started the cycle.......

So I finally got to a point where I could sit in "that damn chair" (which at that point was more like a little piece of leather heaven after contorting myself to sleep in her twin bed on the floor, surrounded by gates that I had to climb over to get out) while she fell back asleep. And I am still tied to that chair, every night at bedtime and any time she wakes at night. For the most part it is a good solution. Unless I have to sit there for more than thirty minutes I can bear it. She is comfortable with my presence and no longer is upset that I am not actually in bed with her.

So anyways, back to last night. After about fifteen minutes I think it is safe to get up and leave. I slowly tiptoe out of her room, cursing my cracking knee and clumsy attempt to close the door silently. But she does not stir. I breathe a sigh of relief. I crawl into bed and fall asleep. Fifteen minutes later a squeaky voice cries out "mommy, are you in the chair? Mommy, where are YOU?" Oh no, not another night like this. I drag myself out of bed for the second time and make my way into the cave that is her room. She needs total darkness to sleep and has a white noise CD on repeat. On good days it hypnotizes me with it's womb like atmosphere. On bad nights it feels like prison. Like last night. I again stay for about 15 minutes. I know this because I always bring the cordless phone with me. I didn't always. But there is nothing worse than being in pain, in the dark, AND not having a clue how much time is passing. So I always have the phone with me now. Sometimes I forget pants, but never that phone!

I get up to leave. So far so good. No little voice asking "what are you doing mommy?" as I lie and say "just stretching honey" and sink back into the chair and admit defeat. I again make it to the comfy softness of my bed. I again fall asleep quickly. This, in and of itself should have been a warning. I rarely fall asleep quickly. When I do, I am always woken soon after by something.... Lily crying out, hubby snoring, a random noise inside or outside of the house. Last night it was Lily for the third time. More insistent and upset in her "Mommy, SIT IN THE CHAIR! Mommy, COME BACK...COME BACK! So, I go. What else can I do? I have tried letting her cry, I have tried checking on her and then leaving, I have tried using hubby as a substitute. All of those ensure a sleepless remainder of the night. Going in at least offers some hope that another hour or two of sleep might follow.

This time I am at the end of my emotional rope. I am so tired. And in so much pain. My neck and back are screaming at me and hot fire is shooting down my legs from my hips. A migraine is starting. My hands are throbbing. But I sit. And sit. And sit. Fifteen minutes comes and goes. She is not yet asleep. Silent tears, born of pain and frustration, run down my face. I dare not make a sound. And I sit. A few times I get myself ready to leave, but merely thinking about leaving sends a remote signal to her brain (or at least that's how it seems in my sleep deprived state) and she does something to let me know she is not yet deep asleep. She might ask a question, or utter a soft cry, or merely breathe loudly. So I sit. IN. THAT. DAMN. CHAIR. I have come to hate that chair and the powerlessness I associate with it. This would be a good time to remember about how surrendering can bring peace. But I am too tired, too frustrated, and in too much pain to do more than cry.

Finally, at 3:15am I make my attempt at escape. SUCCESS! I am free! Free to crawl, once again, into my bed and allow my body the sleep it so desperately cries for. But I lie awake. Waiting. Waiting for that fourth call. That summons back to the chair. It never comes. Sometime after 4am my body falls into the sleep of the dead. I pay for that dearly when 6am comes and I hear Lily calling me. The entire side of my face and jaw are aching so hard that I wonder who or what could have hit me while I slept. As I stumble to her room I test my jaw to make sure it still works. It does, but it hurts too much to move. And so begins another day.

Funny Fridays? Sure, why not!

So stay tuned for tomorrows post. I will attempt to be funny. I hope I don't hurt myself...........

I love "movie-dreams"!

You know the kind I mean... the ones with a plot and main characters and if you wake up before they are finished you want to go back to sleep to find out what happens!

I had one last night. I don't remember much of it now but I do know I was able to get back into it twice after middle of the night wakings. I was a part of the action and my "co-star" was Wentworth Miller (mmmm...... one of the only actors that has the ability to make my knees weak). I remember bits and pieces, like a weird storm while in a posh hotel with a group of friends, running from someone or something and we ended up hiding (again, the whole group of us) in a crusty apartment building, and of course a little romance ;)

http://www.juventus.eoleszyce.pl/wentworth%20img/wentworth-miller.jpg